He’s A Prick Painter or Pricasso for Short

September 29, 2007

I found this short story on Yahoo about a guy named Tim Patch, who calls himself Pricasso because he paints with his prick. No lie, his prick. There are just too many visuals that are running through my head to write coherently, so forgive me. The article said he had painted many famous people including Bush and the Queen of England. I wonder if they sat for their painting or he just painted them when he was horny.

At least we know he is Bi-sexual. Does he take Cialis to get that 4 hour erection? I wonder how long his paintbrush is…
How can anyone keep a straight face and watch him paint?
Does he paint fast and hard or slow and easy? or both? What happens if the paint dries on his prick? Has he ever painted a self-portrait of him painting? Did he enhance his paintbrush, just a little? If he paints a lot is he getting callouses on his paintbrush? How does he paint eyelashes on faces with eyelashes being so fine? Is his paintbrush that tiny? With all the movement required with painting, what does he do when he reaches a climax? Or, is that his signature?

I can’t stop laughing, so I will leave the rest of the remarks in the capable hands of my readers. I’m sure all of you can come up with some goodies.

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I’ve Had It with Has-Beens!

September 23, 2007

What is the problem with celebrities? Why can’t they just go away when it’s over? They all get their 15 minutes of fame, while some get a half-hour and the really lucky ones get a whole hour. That should be enough for anyone, but not for these old Hollywood has-beens. They will do anything to get back in the limelight.

A prime example is Sally Fields, aka, the Flying Nun and the forgettable Norma Ray. She exposed herself at the Oscars as crass as someone wearing see-thru cellophane clothing. She forget her lines to her rant against the war, oh please, how many takes does it take for her to get out 2 or 3 lines without stumbling like an incoherent old drunk? Then, to show what a classy lady she really isn’t, she had to use the blasphemous G-d D—n word in the one line she remembered, as if God had anything to do with the war. She hasn’t made print for so long, I thought she had died. So, now she is back in print, but this time to no applause. This time it is pity. She is to be pitied for her gluttony for fame, for her inappropriate behavior and her gutter mouth.

No matter how many plastic surgeries she has or how fat her bank account might be, she is still pathetic. Fake looks, idolizing self and worshipping money is a straight road to damnation. Have a nice trip, Sally, old gal…


Get Out and Stay Out!

September 21, 2007

The United Nations has overstayed their welcome and it is time they left our country. We should withdraw from the United Nations, kick them out of our country and start a legitimate organization for countries that truly want peace and will not use aggression, unless it is in the form of self-defense.

The United Nations is a congregation of the biggest crooks and thieves in the entire world. Some of the most violent human rights abusers are in the United Nations and equal to the United States when it comes to voting. That is so absurd; it should be criminal. We gain nothing from being in the United Nations, especially compared to our costs.

We can establish new trade policies with like-minded countries. A true most favored nation status, not the political status that is now in place. No more diplomatic immunity. When in our country, you must abide by our rules and pay your fines. No special parking privileges. If you commit rape, you go to prison.

No more visas issued to people like Arafat (when he was alive), Iran’s little dictator (needing heel lifts in his shoes), and others of their ilk. If our President wants to meet with them, they can do it in a neutral country. Never shall they contaminate our soil ever again.

We need to fumigate our country and rid it once and for all of the stench of the United Nations. If someone would organize a march against the United Nations, I would join that march in a heartbeat. We should chase them to the nearest airports and make sure they get aboard. My sign would say, “Get Out and Stay Out”.


Who is the Blackest?

September 20, 2007

Sometimes, you just need to get away from it all. I’ve been on vacation and enjoyed every minute that I spent relaxing, gift shopping, boating, swimming and most of all spending time in the sun. I am a sun bunny at heart. I didn’t waste one minute thinking or talking about politics, Presidential candidates, health care or immigration. I felt clean and pure, happy and happier. I think I will make this a regular habit.

What did I find upon my return?

Hillary is running away with the Democratic campaign and the MSM is keeping the Chinese money as low key as possible, so not to derail her train. We have suffered through the Chinese connection with Bill, can’t we please have one election without the Chop Suey menu served up with Misfortune Cookies?

Obama is fading as fast as a sprinter in a long distance race. He is destined to be the Vice, in charge of keeping all the blacks on the Democratic farm as slaves to the party. I must say that blacks are the most loyal people in America. They have voted 90% plus for Democrats for as long as an elephant’s memory. The Democrats had control of government for over 40 years, yet they did not fix the black problem, like promised. They did not rid the cities of ghettos and replace them with decent housing, help blacks get jobs to elevate their status. The blacks have only progressed with the help of Republicans, funny, you would think they would vote Republican, but no, their war cry is against Republicans. This is very strange behavior.

I wonder what it feels like to be taken for granted? Do the Blacks realize Democrats think they are stupid and greedy? I say that because the Democrats tell the blacks the same thing every election year and make promises they do not keep, yet, the blacks cannot wait to vote for them. The Democrats throw them a $10 a month increase in their welfare payments to shut them up. To hell with education and dignity, let them wallow in the depraved atmosphere of Rap/Hip Hop and drugs. If that is what they want, we will not stop them. So say the Democrats…this is America and they have the right to be second class citizens.

Who appointed the most blacks to high positions in the government, such as the Cabinet members and Heads of Departments? Not the first black president, Bill Clinton, no, it was that Dastardly Dan of Presidents, George W Bush. I find that rather amazing.

The blacks must now choose between the pasty white woman who fakes a black accent when she is speaking to blacks in the south versus a real black man, who isn’t black enough. What to do, what to do…This is going to be a Tylenol moment, if there ever was one.


What Say Now Democrats???

September 4, 2007

The year is 1907, one hundred years ago……

READ PRINT UNDER PICTURE

Theodore Roosevelt’s ideas on Immigrants and being an AMERICAN in 1907.

“In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person’s becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American…There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn’t an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag… We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language… and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people.”

Theodore Roosevelt 1907


Its the Results that Count

September 3, 2007

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”

The guy replies, “I’m Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of New York City.”

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it’s the minister’s turn.He stands erect and booms out, “I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last forty-three years.”

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

“Just a minute,” says the minister. “That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?”

“Up here, we work by results,” says Saint Peter. “While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed.”


Taking a Woman to Bed

September 3, 2007

What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78?

At 8 — You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 — You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 — You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 — She tells you a story and takes you to bed

At 48 — She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 — You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 — If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!

At 78 — What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???