Quote of the Century …

August 19, 2007

Quote of the Century …and it’s only a single sentence.
“The American Indians found out what happens when you don’t control immigration.”

We should learn this lesson and send illegals back to their countries before they overrun us.

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It’s Sunday Again

August 5, 2007

Church Bloopers…

1. The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

2. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

3. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

4, Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

5. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth Into Joy.”

6. A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and
community.

8. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

9. Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

10. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Adams.

11. Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies
giving milk will please come early.

12. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

13. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

14. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

15. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

16. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.

17. The Lutheran Men’s group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed
potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

18. The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”

19. Our next song is “Angles We Have Heard Get High.”

20. Don’t let worry kill you, let the church help.

21. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

22. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

23. The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the
ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

24. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

25. The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

A woman was in her Church speaking to the congregation about something very close to her heart and became quite emotional during her speech. At the end, after some crying, she apologized saying,”I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get so emotional. I’m not usually such a big boob.” At which point the bishop stood up and said, “That’s OK, we love big boobs.”