Something to Offend Everyone!

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?

The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it’s worth it.

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

10 years and 45 lbs

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can’t stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What’s the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

“Are you sure it’s mine?”

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?

Because he heard everyone there has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don’t have eyes.

Why do drivers’ education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A different Bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond baby?

They named him “Sum Ting Wong”.


What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?

They’re hiring.

What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with… “a recipe”.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time .”
A southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit….

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?

No one is tall enough to go on the good rides

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17 Responses to Something to Offend Everyone!

  1. What did the Mexican Fire Chief name his two sons?

    Hose A and Hose B.

  2. arclightzero says:

    HEY! I’m offended… 🙂

    Just kidding, I like it

  3. Onemorecup says:

    Madmouser at your finest!

    Honestly, no one should be offended by your post, insofar as nothing is insulting and it’s done with good taste. Bravo, Bbbbrrraaavvvoooo! Bravo!!

    Just loved it!! 🙂

  4. brahnamin says:

    i shall observe a minute of offense for all those who might be offended but lack internet access or have failed to discover you

  5. ladyconklin says:

    Thanks for the Chuckles…It’s Friday and I really needed that. As usual, you have incredible timing.

  6. lewisintex. says:

    Now this is a hoot. Can’t see why anyone could be offended at these comments. They were indeed funny. Just hope everyone hasn’t lost their sense of humor.

  7. Cybil says:

    Mad, you have done it again. I can only pray you never get (Old Timers), as the rest of us would suffer a great loss. Thanks again for a great post. Your awesome.

  8. madmouser says:

    Thanks a lot, it was meant in humor and to provide a little relief from the week’s work load.
    Humor is good for what ails us, even if it is politically incorrect. Those are the best kind.

  9. brahnamin says:

    bah

    PCness is for bleedingheart liberalscum!

    you should do a sequel

    no, you should make it a FEATURE . . . a weekly Anti PC friday funnypost

    keep us all sane

  10. Let’s see — The Chinese took a hit, the Mexicans took a hit, as did the Irish and my blood the Italians.

    Well, since in my world there are no “sacred cows,” let’s make sure we are truly non–PC — really, the non–PC jokes are without a doubt the funniest.

    *A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he’s been given a part in the school play.
    *”Wonderful. What part is it?”
    *The boy says,”I play the part of the Jewish husband.”
    *The mother scowls and says, “Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.”

    ————————————————————————-

    Johnson Contest:
    Three third-graders, a Jew, an Italian, and an African American are on the playground at recess. The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game. “Let’s see who has the largest Johnson,” he says. “Okay,” they all agree.

    The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. “That’s nothing,” says the Italian kid. He whips his out. His is a couple of inches longer. Not to be outdone, the African American whips his out. It is far the biggest, dwarfing the other two in both length and width. The Jewish and Italian kid are stunned and amazed. “Wow, that thing is huge!” they exclaim.

    That night, eating dinner at home, the African American’s mother asks him what he did at school today.

    “Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book …and during recess, my friends and I played “Let’s see who has the largest Johnson.”

    “What kind of game is that, honey?” says the mother.

    “Well, me, Sidney and Anthony each pulled out our Johnson, and I had the biggest! The other kids say its because I’m black. Is that true, Mom?”

    The mom replies: “No, honey. It’s because you’re twenty-three.”

    Now, let me see if I can find a good queer, woman, Yankee, professor, ect joke — I’m serious.

  11. […] Something to Offend Everyone @ The Mouse House – how odd is it that i stumble upon a joke i cracked with juan on a regular basis?! […]

  12. mahendrap says:

    Ha ha ha! Thanks for lightening up my Monday!

  13. madmouser says:

    GMS, you got a couple of good ones, thanks Thanks to all of you for having a sense of humor

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