Do I Need to Worry About the Speech Police?

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM REDNECK STYLE
.
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men’s used work boots size 14-16
.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans,
a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.
.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more
ammo. Back in an hour. Don’t mess with the pit bulls — they attacked
the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don’t think
Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
.
PS – I locked all four of ’em in the house. Better wait outside.

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17 Responses to Do I Need to Worry About the Speech Police?

  1. The Dude says:

    Will size 11 work? if so then my security system has been installed

  2. madmouser says:

    I’m sure they will. Size 11 is not all that small, hahaha. Glad your safe and sound.

  3. the Grit says:

    Hi Mad,

    How do you know so much about me? Although, we actually only have two pitbulls, both rescue dogs that no one else would take. However, since Wildman weighs in at around 70 pounds and, once, bit part of car bumper off, he probably counts double. Our third dog is a doberman mix, another breed with an evil reputation. In this instance, it is appropriate as we got her after she bit several people in the suburban neighborhood where she was first adopted.

    As for guns, since everyone on our road is well known as being heavily armed, there’s no need to advertise. I would note that this also negates the need to project an image of having a hulking man in the house. A 12 gage beats a size 16 every time.

    Thus, a simple “Beware of dog” sign nailed to a tree at the end of the driveway suffices.

    the Grit

  4. madmouser says:

    Wildman! I love it. My little Snowball thinks she’s a wild woman and nipped the water softener man on the back of his calf. He had a loud voice, hahaha. I have a 12gauge Mossberg for home and a 9mm Beretta plus a Concealed Weapons Permit. I also have a target with all shots in the heart and head. I should laminate it and hang it on my front door. lol, lol, except some nutcase would want to call me out like Jesse James and I’d have to shoot him. Think I’ll just keep it in my scrapbook. At home in So Calif, when I ride, I take it in case I run into Rattlers.

  5. notalib says:

    I don’t care who you are, that there was down right funny.

  6. The Dude says:

    Hey mouse…. go to http://www.cofcc.org and you can look for michigan site….
    keep on truckin

  7. marty says:

    Thanks for the tips. I’ll be doing some heavy shopping this weekend. Sounds like every one here is loaded for bear. Me, I’m only half loaded. I’ll catch up with ya’ll real soon though, ya hear.

  8. mcgonnigle says:

    I see you visited The Pinetar Rag and thought you might like to see McGonnigle the Maine Coon Cat…he is a great mouser.

    http://mcgonnigle.wordpress.com/2007/02/03/mcgonnigle-the-cat-is-hobbled/

  9. the Grit says:

    Hi Mad,

    You impress me greatly! As to Wildman, he earned his name by eating our couch when we first brought him home. While I wanted to shoot him, this endeared him to my wife, as it gave her an excuse to spend money on new furniture. In any event, he is a most impressive guard dog.

    As to firearms, I am saving up for a Glock .40 caliber. I’ve always loved the .45 ACP, but it just doesn’t hold enough rounds. A friend let me play with the new Glock, and I am most happy with it. Of course, when I hit the lottery, I have a long list of guns to acquire!

    the Grit

  10. hahaha!!!

    unfortunately, as I was reading somewhere else recently, that would probably result in a SWAT team paying a visit. Ugh.

  11. the Grit says:

    Hi t,

    Not in this area. Although, our local SWAT team has been invited to fish our lake, and I’ve offered to cook up a mess of BBQ for the event. Heck, being registered with the Department of Agriculture as a farmer, I can take a short training course, which consists of watching a training film, get a license, and purchase all the dynamite I can afford. I haven’t done this yet because, I have to admit, blowing up stuff out in the field is way too much fun, and the expense of my new hobby would surely bankrupt us. Really, you should see how high parts of a 55 gallon drum go when you touch off a stick of TNT under it! It’s so much better than the firecracker under a tuna can event.

    the Grit

  12. nytexan says:

    Hi Mouse:

    Priceless!!! I think Homeland Security should take you advice and have every home along both cost follow your instructions.

    Grit:
    Here in Texas, SWAT teams travel with their BBQ pits. We do have our priorities.

  13. ladyconklin says:

    Thanks for helping me update my security system. Ya gotta love it.

  14. marco says:

    I’ve actually used something similar to this “device” in the past. That’s awesome mad….

  15. brahnamin says:

    git r’ done!

    erm, i mean *LoL*

  16. […] Or this “setup” from MadMouser: […]

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