Celebrity Worship

Do you think all the adoration the public gives our celebrities is well-deserved? Do you think famous people are smarter than the average bear? Think again.

>>>(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss >>America 1995.)
>>Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
>>Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,” –Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

What????
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>>>”Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
–Mariah Carey
Huh? That was so profound. What can you say after that???
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>>”I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”
>>–Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
>>,,,OK, at least we know he did not attend Medical School…
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>>”Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,”
>>–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
Did he really say that? What does he know anyway, the big druggie!
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>>That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”
>>–A congressional candidate in Texas.
>>You said it yourself,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
>”Half this game is ninety percent mental.”
>>–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
Do not let this guy work the cash register.
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Saving the best for last…
>>”It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”
>>–Al Gore, Science Fiction Writer

Advice for Rush Limbaugh

Rush Limbaugh was inundated with callers supporting replacing incandescent light bulbs with fluorescent bulbs to save energy and money. Rush said he refused to comply with scare tactics. He stressed that he was not telling other people not to buy them. They can buy whatever type of light bulb they want to buy; it’s a free country.

So, here’s my solution for Rush:

Purchase the equivalent fluorescent wattage to match the wattage that he uses in his estate type home and donate it to a number of low-income families for their homes, so they can save money, save energy and save the planet.

If Al Gore can purchase Carbon Offsets to counter his private jet air miles, then, Rush can purchase Fluorescent Light Bulb Offsets to counter his personal incandescent light bulb usage.

My Choice for President

He would be healthy, physically fit and of sane mind. He would be intelligent enough to comprehend world affairs, have a sharp and quick mind, but use common sense as his barometer. He would understand economics according to Walter Williams, the renowned Economist at George Mason. He would know American History as taught before the politically correct crowd changed it. He would be a true patriot in the fullest sense of the meaning, and a fearless warrior if need be, to protect and save this country.

He would believe in a higher power than man, but not boast or criticize others who believe differently. He would be loyal as taught by the Boy Scouts. He would be faithful to his wife and an adoring father to his children, and a compassionate caretaker to the people he serves. He would put the best interest of the country ahead of his party and himself.

He would set the example for others to follow by his admirable behavior. He would leave the country in a far better place than he found it.

Where is this man? Who is this man? Please step forward, your country needs you!
* You may have noticed that I excluded including a woman in this request. The reason is the examples I have to judge a woman’s ability to lead this country. Hillary and Pelosi tell me we must wait awhile longer. We want a great lady to lead us and when she comes along, she will get my vote. Neither of the above mentioned names are great or ladies.

eek! Al ‘Bloody’ Franken for Senator

Is this a ‘bloody’ joke or what? Have you seen his resume’? He is listed as a comedian. Can anyone find a time when he was funny? No,,,He became a talk show host. Was he successful? Again, the answer is No…Can he speak with out cursing? Again, its a No…The madmouser will not give up. I will run my little feet off looking for a question that can be answered yes.

Two weeks later….

The madmouser has returned from her quest. Exhausted, covered in dust bunnies and hungry for some real cheese, not that make believe cheese, but also successful. As always! The madmouser gets her man.

Is Al Franken mean? Yes, yes, yes
Is Al Franken ugly? Yes, yes ,yes
Is Al Franken dumb? Yes, yes, yes

And that spells MUD…

You Name the Assicon…

I am going to list some symbols aka assicons and it is your job to assign the name of a person to each one. It will mean more to all of us if you choose a name we might all know, if possible. Thank you and good Luck with this assignment. Just copy & Paste.

1. (_!_) a regular ass…John Edwards
2. (__!__) a fat ass…a tie Rosie O’Donnell & Ted Kennedy
3. (!) a tight ass…Pelosi (w/all her plastic surgery)
4. (_X_) kiss my ass…Hillary
5. (_?_) a dumbass…Alec Baldwin

An All Gay Army?

I have been pondering if we should really fear China. Since they have adopted the one child rule per family, we have learned that most Chinese families want a son, so they abort the girl babies. The result of these decisions have left China with 40 to 50 million men with no chance of getting married (to a female), no chance of having sex with a female during their entire lives. I will take a break and go get coffee while someone splashes cold water in the guys faces to wake them up from their faint.

I’m back. So, I apologize to all the guys, I should have warned you instead of just throwing it straight at you like a bean ball.

I think I have found the most insidious, yet brilliant military strategy to win a war against China.

AN ALL FEMALE MILITARY!

Freedom of The Press

This was a response I made earlier on another blog regarding Ann Coulter’s latest article.

Wow! Like you said, like her or not, she seems to be the only Conservative to speak boldly about the difference in treatments afforded Democrats versus Conservatives. I don’t mind that Conservative sins are brought to light and hammered by the media, as long as they treat the Democrats sins with the same disrespect. The problem is the Democrats get away with murder because the media goes deaf and dumb where they are concerned. I think the media is hell-bent on destroying the Republican/Conservative Party, if for no other reason than to prove they can. This is not what Freedom of the Press was meant to be and we all know it. Shame on them and shame on us for allowing them to get away with this abuse of power.

The Scientists Say ‘Mars is Getting Hotter’

Oh No! Mars is getting hotter just like Earth. How could that be? Are there people on Mars that we don’t know about? Are they driving SUV’s or flying personal jet planes? How much manufacturing is going on? Please someone answer these questions for me.

We know that global warming is our fault, especially us greedy Americans, (guilt, guilt), because Al Gore has told us so. So, how can Mars be getting hotter at the same rate as Earth, if we are not there causing the problem?

Or is there some insidious reason behind the global warming scare or are the scientists not as smart as they think they are.

The Secret is Out

I Love the Internet…

A little blurb of information!

Many will recall that on June 8, 1947, witnesses claimed that an
unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep
and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico . This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered
up by the U.S. Air Force and the federal government.

However, you may NOT know that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after that historic day, Albert Arnold Gore, Jr., Hillary Rodham, John F. Kerry, William Jefferson Clinton, Howard Dean, Nancy Pelosi, Dianne Feinstein, Charles E. Schumer, and Barbara Boxer were born.

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep and cattle? This piece of information may clear up a lot of things.

A Presidential Letter

The Internet is so fabulous. This is off the Internet. It is a wishful letter from our President and it starts like this.

My Fellow Americans:
The war is over. Congress refuses to spend any more money for the war in Iraq. This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be completed within the next 30 days.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of the countries which stood beside us during the Iraq conflict, and this list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, Poland and a few others.

The other list contains everyone not named on the first list. It is a very long list. Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those on List 2 ceases immediately. The money saved during the first year will almost pay for the cost of the war in Iraq.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world hellholes and watch their government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have here at home.

To the terrorists I say, mess with us again and your country will disappear off the face of the earth. If you want to terrorize someone, try China or France. I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany and Russia. We are also retiring from NATO. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York to begin towing all UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with an unpaid parking ticket to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed and you know where you can stick your treaty. New York has some of the finest chop shops in the world. I Love New York.

A special note to our neighbor to the North, Canada. You are on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

To our neighbor to the South, Mexico. You have a real bad attitude, but I have the ultimate attitude adjuster. Since we are no longer fighting the war in Iraq, I have a lot of big, bad ass tanks just sitting around, so I plan on setting them at the border, along with a few infantry divisions. Oh, and by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty, starting now. We are tired on the one-way highway.

We are going to start drilling for oil in Alaska to meet our needs for decades and decades to come. Any of you environmentalist who are opposed, can choose a country from List 2 and move there.

It is time we focus on our country and take care of our people. We have spent nearly a century of trying to help others around the world live a decent life and what did it get us? Being proclaimed the bully of the world. Well, that has ended.

One last thing, for those on List #1, we thank you and we will not forget.

To the nations on List #2, you might want to learn to speak Arabic

God Bless America and Good Night!